Goofy

These rules are so true.
F***ing once a week is good for your health, but its harmful if done every day.
1.     
F***ing gives proper relaxation for your mind & body.
2.     
F***ing refreshes you.
3.     
After F***ing don't eat too much; go for more liquids.
4.     
Try to do f***ing in bed cause it can save your valuable energy.
5.     
F***ing can even reduce your cholesterol level.
 
6.     
So remember:---
 
 
 
FASTING is good for your health, and may God cleanse your Dirty Mind.

the door

bastage you are correct Most would have said 10

Priceless
A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car.
His father said he'd make a deal with his son,
"You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut.
Then we'll talk about the car."
The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it.
After about six weeks his father said,
"Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible,
but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut."
The boy said,"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that:-
Samson had long hair,John the Baptist had long hair,
Moses had long hair,and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair."
(You're going to love the Dad's reply!)
"Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"
 

going to do a stealth birthday wish .................... sorry it is in stealth mode

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans.

Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? '

The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff.

Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.'

Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom.

'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he g ets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.' 

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please."

Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?"

Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

THE MIRACLE OF
TOILET PAPER

Fresh from my shower, I stand in front of the
mirror complaining to my
husband that my breasts are too small.
Instead of characteristically
telling me it's not so, he uncharacteristically
comes up with a suggestion.

If you want your breasts to grow, then every
day take a piece of toilet paper and
rub it between them for a few seconds.'
Willing to try anything, I fetch a piece of toilet
paper and stand in front of the mirror,
rubbing it between my breasts. 'How long will
this take?' I asked.

They will grow larger over a period of years,'
my husband replies. I stopped.
'Do you really think rubbing a piece of toilet
paper between my breasts every day
will make my breasts larger over the years?'
Without missing a beat he says,
'Worked for your bum, didn't it?'

He's still alive, and with a great deal of therapy,
he may even walk again, although he will
probably continue to take his meals through a straw.

                                                                                  Stupid, stupid man.

Here are the Five Rules for Men to Follow for a Happy Life that Russell J. Larsen had inscribed on his headstone in Logan, Utah. He died not knowing that he would win the "Coolest Headstone" contest.
 
 
 
 


FIVE RULES FOR MEN TO FOLLOW
FOR A HAPPY LIFE

1. It's important to have a woman who helps at home, cooks from time to time, cleans up, and has a job.2. It's important to have a woman who can make you laugh.3. It's important to have a woman who you can trust, and doesn't lie to you.4. It's important to have a woman who is good in bed, and likes to be with you
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other or you could end up dead like me

are you shitting me Z? that is sooo funny LOL

A FOOL AND HIS MONEY ARE SOON PARTED??????????
REMEMBER THE 3 F

i'm tired of idiots like these, don't they have anything better to do thing to disgrace the tragic events like sandyhook

Sitting together on a train, traveling through the Canadian Rockies,
were a fellow from Alberta, a fellow from Quebec, a little old Greek lady,
and a young blonde girl with large breasts.
The train goes into a dark tunnel and a few seconds later there is the
sound of a loud slap.
When the train emerges from the tunnel, the fellow from Quebec has a
bright red hand print on his cheek.
No one speaks..
The little old Greek lady thinks: The fellow from Quebec must have
groped the blonde in the dark and she slapped his cheek.
The blonde girl thinks: That fellow from Quebec must have tried to
grope me in the dark, but missed and fondled the old lady and she
slapped his cheek.
The fellow from Quebec thinks: That fellow from Alberta must have
groped the blonde in the dark. She tried to slap him but missed and
got me instead.
The fellow from Alberta thinks: I can't wait for another tunnel,
just so I can smack that fucker from Quebec again.

no offense to the women
A wife asks her husband, "Could you please go shopping for me and buy one
gallon of milk and if they have avocados, get 6.
"A short time later the husband comes back with 6 gallons of milk.
The wife asks him, "Why did you buy 6 gallons of milk?"
He replied, "They had avocados."
If you're a woman, I'm sure you're going back to read it again!
Men will get it the first time.

Happy Birthday numbnuts

My wife told me to go to the doctor's and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!
I'm still looking for a place to live.

My wife told me to go to the doctor's and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.
You should have seen her face when I came back and tossed her some diet pills!
I'm still looking for a place to live.

STUD ROOSTER
A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says,
'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.'
The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle
ALL of these chickens.
Look what it has done to me
Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?'
The young rooster says,
'Beat it: You are washed up
And I am taking over.'
The old rooster says,
'I tell you what, young stud.
I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.'
The young rooster laughs.
'You know you don't stand a chance, old man.
So, just to be fair,
I will give you a head start.'
The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him.
They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap.
He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast!
The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch
When he sees the roosters running by.
The Old Rooster is squawking
And running as hard as he can.
The Farmer grabs his shotgun and
- BOOM -
He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says,
'Dammit......
Third gay rooster I bought this month.'
Moral of this
Story? .....
Don't mess with the OLD FARTS -
Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery
Always overcome youth and arrogance!
OLD DUDES RULE

gosh darn dangit I gave myself a negative now it is gone

gosh darn dangit I gave myself a negative now it is gone

gosh darn dangit I gave myself a negative now it is gone

gosh darn dangit I gave myself a negative now it is gone

Dogger you need a reputation to have one seriously though reputations are for those that care personally i'm like Doggie I don't think about it

Hellz if you go to the members list for some reason there is a reputation meter for a member, have no idea how ppl change it but it is there and of course JP gave himself a 10

I was browsing members and noticed that Flawless has a reputation of -9 on our forums. I just want you to know that I am very dissapointed by this.