Goofy

http://www.maximumpc.com/article/gaming/new_battlefield_3_multi_trailer_demonstrates_air_combat_looks_absolutely_incredible

http://www.usatoday.com/life/comics/2011-08-01-black-spider-man_n.htm as Jon Stewart said on his program, a half black half hispanic man that can climb walls is driving the republicans crazy.

After a long night of making love, the guy notices a photo of another man, on the woman's nightstand by the bed. He begins to worry. 'Is this your husband?' he nervously asks. 'No, silly,' she replies, snuggling up to him. 'Your boyfriend, then?' he continues. 'No, not at all,' she says, nibbling away at his ear. 'Is it your dad or your brother?' he inquires, hoping to be reassured. 'No, no, no! You are so hot when you're jealous!' she answers. 'Well, who in the hell is he, then?' he demands. She whispers in his ear 'That's me before the surgery.' .. One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in a very Sexy nightie. 'Tie me up,' she purred, 'and you can do anything you want.' So he tied her up and went golfing A woman came home, screeching her car into the driveway, and ran into the house. She slammed the door and shouted at the top of her lungs, 'Honey, pack your bags. I won the lottery!' The husband said, 'Oh my God! What should I pack, beach stuff or mountain stuff?' 'Doesn't matter,' she said. 'Just get out.' Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right, and the other is a husband A Polish immigrant went to the DMV to apply for a driver's license. First, of course, he had to take an eye sight test The optician showed him a card with the letters 'C Z W I X N O S T A C Z.' 'Can you read this?' the optician asked. 'Read it?' the Polish guy replied, 'I know the guy.' Mother Superior called all the nuns together and said to them, 'I must tell you all something. We have a case of gonorrhoea in the convent.' 'Thank God,' said an elderly nun at the back. 'I'm so tired of chardonnay. A wife was making a breakfast of fried eggs for her husband. Suddenly, her husband burst into the kitchen. 'Careful,' he said, 'CAREFUL! Put in some more butter! Oh my gosh! You're cooking too many at once. TOO MANY! Turn them! TURN THEM NOW! We need more butter. Oh my gosh! WHERE are we going to get MORE BUTTER? They're going to STICK! Careful. CAREFUL! I said be CAREFUL! You NEVER listen to me when you're cooking! Never! Turn them! Hurry up! Are you CRAZY? Have you LOST your mind? Don't forget to salt them. You know you always forget to salt them. Use the! Salt. USE THE SALT! THE SALT!' The wife stared at him. 'What in the world is wrong with you? You think I don't know how to fry a couple of eggs?' The husband calmly replied, 'I just wanted to show you what it feels like when I'm driving.' Fifty-one years ago, Herman James, a North Carolina mountain man, was drafted by the Army. On his first day in basic training, the Army issued him a comb. That afternoon the Army barber sheared off all his hair. On his second day, the Army issued Herman a toothbrush. That afternoon the Army dentist yanked seven of his teeth. On the third day, the Army issued him a jock strap. The Army has been looking for Herman for 51 years.

Happy BDay

A couple made a deal that whoever died first would come back and inform the other if there is sex after death. Their biggest fear was that there was no after life at all. After a long life together, the husband was the first to die. True to his word, he made the first contact: "Alice ... Alice " "Is that you, Bob?" "Yes, I've come back like we agreed." "That's wonderful! What's it like?" "Well, I get up in the morning, I have sex. I have breakfast and then it's off to the golf course. I have sex again, bathe in the warm sun and then have sex a couple of more times. Then I have lunch (you'd be proud - lots of greens). Another romp around the golf course, then pretty much have sex the rest of the afternoon. After supper, it's back to the golf course again. Then it's more sex until late at night. I catch some much needed sleep and then the next day it starts all over again" "Oh, Bob, are you in Heaven?" "No...I'm a rabbit in Saskatchewan.

STUD ROOSTER A farmer went out one day and bought a brand new stud rooster for his chicken coop. The new rooster struts over to the old rooster and says, 'OK old fart, Time for you to retire.' The old rooster replies, 'Come on, surely you cannot handle ALL of these chickens. Look what it has done to me Can't you just let me have the two old hens over in the corner?' The young rooster says, 'Beat it: You are washed up And I am taking over.' The old rooster says, 'I tell you what, young stud. I will race you around the farmhouse. Whoever wins gets the exclusive domain over the entire chicken coop.' The young rooster laughs. 'You know you don't stand a chance, old man. So, just to be fair, I will give you a head start.' The old rooster takes off running. About 15 seconds later the young rooster takes off running after him. They round the front porch of the farmhouse and the young rooster has closed the gap. He is only about 5 feet behind the old rooster and gaining fast! The farmer, meanwhile, is sitting in his usual spot on the front porch When he sees the roosters running by. The Old Rooster is squawking And running as hard as he can. The Farmer grabs his shotgun and - BOOM - He blows the young rooster to bits. The farmer sadly shakes his head and says, 'Dammit...... Third gay rooster I bought this month.' Moral of this Story? ..... Don't mess with the OLD FARTS - Age, skill, wisdom, and a little treachery Always overcome youth and arrogance! OLD DUDES RULE

Happy BDay numnut

Happy BD Hellz

Happy BDAY numnuts

This one is priceless. A lesson to be learned from typing the wrong email address!! A Minneapolis couple decided to go to Florida to thaw out during a particularly icy winter. They planned to stay at the same hotel where they spent their honeymoon 20 years earlier. Because of hectic schedules, it was difficult to coordinate their travel schedules. So, the husband left Minnesota and flew to Florida on Thursday, with his wife flying down the following day. The husband checked into the hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided to send an email to his wife. However, he accidentally left out one letter in her email address, and without realizing his error, sent the e-mail. Meanwhile, somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her husband's funeral. He was a minister who was called home to glory following a heart attack. The widow decided to check her e-mail expecting messages from relatives and friends. After reading the first message, she screamed and fainted. The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw the computer screen which read: To: My Loving Wife Subject: I've Arrived Date: July 19, 2010 I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send emails to your loved ones. I've just arrived and have been checked in. I've seen that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as mine was. P. S. Sure is freaking hot down here!!!!

happy Bd Mj

Happy Birthday Frenchie

The other day, a gentleman went to the Dentist's office to have a tooth pulled. The Dentist pulls out a freezing needle to give him a shot. "No way"! No needles! "I hate needles", the man said. The Dentist starts to hook up the laughing gas and the man immediately objected. "I can't do the gas thing either; the thought of having the gas mask on is suffocating me"! The Dentist then asks the gentleman if he has any objection to taking a pill. "No objection", the man said. "I'm fine with pills".. The Dentist then returns and says, "Here's a Viagra tablet". The gentleman, totally at a loss for words, said in amazement, "WOW"! "I didn't know Viagra worked as a pain killer"! "It doesn't", said the Dentist, "but it will give you something to hold on to when I pull your tooth"=

the ppl that started the riots would have done so even if canucks won the cup, they went to the event downtown vancouver with backpacks of rocks and bricks, they weren't the real canuck fans, just idiots trying to vandalize stores to steal products and to cause anarchy overall, they deserve to be tied up over a tree branch next to a hornets nest and covered in honey and the funny part is they idiots actually posed for the cameras and tv crews as they did this, also they posted onto their own facebook pages, guess what sites and video footage the cops are combing through now,

http://www.maximumpc.com/article/%5Bprimary-term%5D/ea%E2%80%99s_battlefield_3_pre-order_dlc_has_gamers_rightfully_angry

if this was the US he would have been shot and robbed http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/national/british-columbia/thumbs-out-rock-star-gets-lift-from-oiler/article2045387/ http://www.theglobeandmail.com/sports/hockey/oilers-forward-brule-picks-up-unlikely-hitchhiker---u2s-bono/article2044667/

gosh darn dangit I gave myself a negative now it is gone

Hellz if you go to the members list for some reason there is a reputation meter for a member, have no idea how ppl change it but it is there and of course JP gave himself a 10

http://www.streetfire.net/video/hell-hath-no-fury-like-a-woman-scorned_2254978.htm?utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=052311+NAPA+No+Content+Cheated+Wifes+Revenge&utm_content=052311+NAPA+No+Content+Cheated+Wifes+Revenge+Version+A+CID_e57b20583e5e058e3845f92490ed926d&utm_source=StreetFire+Email&utm_term=img2

Dogger you need a reputation to have one seriously though reputations are for those that care personally i'm like Doggie I don't think about it

scooby do be dooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo

My Dear Wife, You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 57 years old, can no longer satisfy. I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife. Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 20 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel. Please don't be upset----I shall be home before midnight. When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table: My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 57 years old. I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 57 years old. As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college. I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach. He is young, virile, and like your secretary, is 20 years old. As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 20 goes into 57 a lot more times than 57 goes into 20. Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow.

33 you have been demoted to 16.5

http://www.thetoque.com/internet/babelfish-adds-canadian-american-languages-to-translation-list/