Best Irish Joke In A Long Time

[Goofy]

Paddy had been drinking at his local Dublin pub all day and most of
the night celebrating St Patrick's Day. Mick, the bartender says, 'You'll not be
drinking anymore tonight, Paddy'.. Paddy replies, 'OK Mick, I'll be on my way
then'. Paddy spins around on his stool and steps off.. He falls flat on his
face. 'Shoite' he says and pulls himself up by the stool and dusts himself off.
He takes a step towards the door and falls flat on his face, 'Shoite, Shoite
!'

He looks to the doorway and thinks to himself that if he can just get
to the door and some fresh air he'll be fine. He belly crawls to the door and
shimmies up to the door frame. He sticks his head outside and takes a deep
breath of fresh air, feels much better and takes a step out onto the sidewalk
and falls flat on his face.

'Bi'Jesus.... I'm fockin' focked,' he
says.

He can see his house just a few doors down, and crawls to the door,
hauls himself up the door frame, opens the door and shimmies inside..
He
takes a look up the stairs and says 'No fockin' way'. He crawls up the stairs to
his bedroom door and says 'I can make it to the bed'. He takes a step into the
room and falls flat on his face. He says 'Fock it' and falls into
bed.

The next morning, his wife, Jess, comes into the room carrying a cup
of coffee and says, 'Get up Paddy. Did you have a bit to drink last night
?'
Paddy says, 'I did, Jess. I was fockin' pissed. But how'd you
know?'

'Mick phoned .... . . You left your wheelchair at the
pub.'