Goofy

the door

bastage you are correct Most would have said 10

here is a quiz in a pond there is a lily pad, now everyday the lily pad doubles in size. on the 20th day the lily pad fills up the pond, how many days did it take for the lily pad to be half the size of the pond? post your answers

Woman: Do you drink beer? Man: Yes Woman: How many beers a day? Man: Usually about 3 Woman: How much do you pay per beer? Man: $5.00 which includes a tip (This is where it gets scary !) Woman: And how long have you been drinking? Man: About 20 years, I suppose Woman: So a beer costs $5 and you have 3 beers a day which puts your spending each month at $450. In one year, it would be approximately $5400 ...correct? Man: Correct Woman: If in 1 year you spend $5400, not accounting for inflation, the past 20 years puts your spending at $108,000, correct? Man: Correct Woman: Do you know that if you didn't drink so much beer, that money could have been put in a step-up interest savings account and after accounting for compound interest for the past 20 years, you could have now bought a Ferrari? Man: Do you drink beer? Woman: No Man: Where's your fucking Ferrari?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4BMUC4Yb4z4

A man calls home to his wife and says, "Honey, I have been asked to fly to Canada with my boss and several of his friends for fishing. We'll be gone for a long weekend. This is a good opportunity for me to get that promotion I've been wanting so could you please pack enough clothes for a 3 day weekend .... And also would you get out my rod and tackle box from the attic? We're leaving at 4:30 PM from the office and I will swing by the house to pick my things up.. Oh! And please pack my new navy blue silk pyjamas..

A man in the Florida supermarket tries to buy half a head of lettuce. The very young produce assistant tells him that they sell only whole heads of lettuce. The man persists and asks to see the manager. The boy says he'll ask his manager about it. Walking into the back room, the boy said to his manager, "Some asshole wants to buy half a head of lettuce." As he finished his sentence, he turned to find the man standing right behind him, so he added, "And this gentleman has kindly offered to buy the other half." The manager approved the deal, and the man went on his way. Later the manager said to the boy, "I was impressed with the way you got yourself out of that situation earlier. We like people who think on their feet here. Where are you from, son?" "Canada, sir," the boy replied. "Well, why did you leave Canada?" the manager asked. The boy said, "Sir, there's nothing but whores and hockey players up there." "Really?" said the manager. "My wife is from Canada." "No shit?" replied the boy. "Who'd she play for?"

argo was nominated even though his version screwed the canadians who were the real heros

problem is he is over 40 how are you going to square it up in the superman movie when they are supposed to be only a few years apart in age. also go look at daredevil movie or any none oscar movie he made.

damn kebler elf

hehe sarge where's my cookies

a big friggin NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO like him but he sucks as an actor in action flicks http://www.dailymail.co.uk/tvshowbiz/article-2400713/Ben-Affleck-announced-new-Batman-Man-Of-Steel-sequel.html

An American businessman is entertaining some overseas business guests on the golf course. The first guest, who is from Italy, tees off and hits a good shot 200 yards down the fairway. As the American businessman knows a small amount of Italian he says, " Buon tiro ", which means - " Good shot " ! The Italian businessman replies, " Grazie ". The second guest, who is from France, tees off and hits a fantastic shot that lands on the green, thirty feet from the hole. As the American businessman knows a small amount of French, he says, " Tir fantastique ", which means, " Fantastic shot ". The French businessman replies, " Merci ". The third guest, who is from Japan, tees off and amazingly the ball goes straight in the hole, a hole in one ! The American businessman does not know Japanese words, or phrases. But on one of his previous visits to Japan, he had dated a Japanese girl. She used to moan, when he made love to her. Sometimes, she would shout out, " Ura-ana, Ura-ana !!! ". He remembers this & repeats these words, to his Japanese guest. The Japanese businessman is confused. He replies, " What do you mean, by wrong hole? "

Priceless A teenage boy had just passed his driving test and inquired of his father as to when they could discuss his use of the car. His father said he'd make a deal with his son, "You bring your grades up from a C to a B average, study your Bible a little, and get your hair cut. Then we'll talk about the car." The boy thought about that for a moment, decided he'd settle for the offer, and they agreed on it. After about six weeks his father said, "Son, you've brought your grades up and I've observed that you have been studying your Bible, but I'm disappointed you haven't had your hair cut." The boy said,"You know, Dad, I've been thinking about that, and I've noticed in my studies of the Bible that:- Samson had long hair,John the Baptist had long hair, Moses had long hair,and there's even strong evidence that Jesus had long hair." (You're going to love the Dad's reply!) "Did you also notice they all walked everywhere they went?"

FULL BODY SCANS AT CANADIAN AIRPORTS: CATSA disclosed the following Airport Screening Results December 2012 Statistics On Airport Full Body Screening From CATSA : Terrorists Discovered 0 Transvestites 133 Hernias 1,485 Hemorrhoid Cases 3,172 Enlarged Prostates 8,249 Breast Implants 59,350 Natural Blondes 3 It was also discovered that 308 politicians had no balls.....

SCOTTISH WEDDING At the Scottish wedding reception the D.J. yelled... "Would all married men please stand next to the one person who has made your life worth living." The bartender was almost crushed to death. SEX Condoms don't guarantee safe sex anymore! A friend of mine was wearing one when he was shot by the woman's husband. New Book A man goes into Chapters and asks the young lady assistant, "Do you have the new book out for men with short penises?" She replies, "I'm not sure if it's in yet." "That's the one; I'll take a copy!" Poor Lance Armstrong - I think it is just terrible and disgusting how everyone has treated Lance Armstrong, especially after what he achieved, winning 7 Tour de France races, while on drugs. When I was on drugs, I couldn't even find my friggin' bike. Drive By A guy broke into my apartment last week. He didn't take my TV, just the remote. Now he drives by and changes the channels. Sick Bastard!! The Agony of Aging On the morning that Daylight Savings Time ended I stopped in to visit my aging friend. He was busy covering his penis with black shoe polish. I said to him, "You better get your hearing checked - You're supposed to turn your clock back". Pregnant Prostitute Doctor asks pregnant prostitute, "do you know who the father is?" "For f.... sakes , if you ate a tin of beans would you know which one made you fart?" EASYJET Paddy calls EASYJET to book a flight. The operator asks, "How many people are flying with you?" Paddy replies "I don't know! It's your bloody plane."

The room was full of pregnant women with their husbands. The instructor said, "Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path." "Gentlemen, remember -- you're in this together. It wouldn't hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both." The room suddenly became very quiet as the men absorbed this information. After a few moments a man, name unknown, at the back of the room, slowly raised his hand. "Yes?" said the Instructor. "I was just wondering if it would be all right if she carries a golf bag while we walk?" Brings a tear to your eye doesn't it? This kind of sensitivity just can't be taught.

Clocks A man died and went to Heaven. As he stood in front of the Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, 'What are all those clocks?' St. Peter answered, 'Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone who has ever been on earth has a Lie-Clock. Every time you lie, the hands on your clock move.' 'Oh', said the man. 'Whose clock is that?' 'That's Mother Teresa's', replied St. Peter. 'The hands have never moved, indicating that she never told a lie. 'Incredible', said the man. 'And whose clock is that one?' St. Peter responded, 'That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved twice, telling us that Abraham told only two lies in his entire life.' 'Where's Mike Duffy's clock?' asked the man. St Peter replied, 'Jesus has it in his office. He uses it as a ceiling fan.'

A lot of folks can't understand how we came to have an oil shortage here in Canada . Well, there's a very simple answer, Nobody bothered to check the oil. We just didn't know we were getting low. The reason for this is purely geographical. Our Oil is located in: ALBERTA SASKATCHEWAN BRITISH COLUMBIA MANITOBA COASTAL NEW BRUNSWICK COASTAL NEWFOUNDLAND Our DIPSTICKS are located in OTTAWA Any Questions ???

They say that during sex you burn off as many calories as running 8 miles. Who the hell runs 8 miles in 45 seconds?

A priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket, and jeans. Saint Peter addresses this cool guy, 'Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you to the Kingdom of Heaven ? ' The guy replies, 'I'm Jack, retired airline pilot from Houston.' Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the pilot, 'Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom.' The pilot goes into Heaven with his robe and staff. Next, it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, 'I am Father Bob, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last 43 years.' Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, 'Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom. 'Just a minute,' says the good father. 'That man was a pilot and he g ets a silken robe and golden staff and I get only cotton and wood. How can this be?'Up here - we go by results,' says Saint Peter. 'When you preached - people slept. When he flew, people prayed.'

There I was sitting at the bar staring at my drink when a large, trouble-making biker steps up next to me, grabs my drink and gulps it down in one swig. "Well, whatcha' gonna do about it?" he says, menacingly, as I burst into tears. "Come on, man," the biker says, "I didn't think you'd CRY. I can't stand to see a man crying." "This is the worst day of my life," I say. "I'm a complete failure. I was late to a meeting and my boss fired me. When I went to the parking lot, I found my car had been stolen and I don't have any insurance. I left my wallet in the cab I took home. I found my wife with another man... and then my dog bit me." "So I came to this bar to work up the courage to put an end to it all, I buy a drink, I drop a capsule in and sit here watching the poison dissolve; and then you show up and drink the whole damn thing! "But, Hell, enough about me, how are you doing?

Cowboy: "Give me 3 packets of condoms, please." Cashier: "Do you need a paper bag with that, sir?" Cowboy: "Nah... She's purty good lookin'....."

A Catholic Priest, an Indian Doctor, a rich Chinese Businessman and a Newfie were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers in front of them. The Newfie fumed, 'What's with those guys? We must have been waiting for fifteen minutes!' The Indian Doctor chimed in, 'I don't know, but I've never seen such poor golf!' The Chinese Businessman called out 'Move it, time is money' The Catholic Priest said, 'Here comes George the greens keeper. Let's have a word with him.' 'Hello, George!', said the Catholic Priest, 'What's wrong with that group ahead of us? They're rather slow, aren't they?' George the greens keeper replied, 'Oh, yes. That's a group of blind fire fighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.' The group fell silent for a moment. The Catholic Priest said, 'That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.' The Indian Doctor said, 'Good idea. I'm going to contact my ophthalmologist colleague and see if there's anything he can do for them.' The Chinese Businessman replied, 'I think I'll donate $50,000 to the fire-fighters in honour of these brave souls' The Newfie said, 'Why the Fuck can't they play at night?'